There are clues that can be seen to determine how people communicate. There are also clues that can be heard that indicate how people communicate.
Changes in a person's speech indicate that some change has taken place in their feelings, images, perceptions, or thoughts. Those clues also indicate the type of stimuli to which they are attending.
Changes in pitch and velocity: Attention to visual stimuli is indicated by the tendency of a person to speak in a higher pitch than when attending to either auditory or kinesthetic stimuli, and to speak somewhat rapidly. Attention to auditory stimuli is indicated by their tendency to speak in a moderate pitch, and at a measured rate of speed with a delightful modulation. Attention to kinesthetic stimuli is indicated by their tendency to speak in a lower pitch than that in which they speak when attending to either visual or auditory stimuli, and to speak somewhat leisurely, their speech being punctuated by pauses.
The types of words used: Although most of the words a person uses are non-indicative, three types of words -- seeing, hearing, and feeling words -- indicate the type of stimulus to which they are attending when they use them. The types of words they use most frequently indicates the type of stimulus on which they prefer to focus their attention -- how they want you to communicate with them. Here is a list of some of those three types of indicative words:
Visual
picture
focus
see
bright
spectacle
preview
discern
illustrate
paint
clarify
dress-up
reveal
depict
clear
perspective
flash
outlook
glimpse
shortsighted
distinguish
delineate
cloud
graphic
show
expose
screen
Auditory
tune
accent
shout
tone
sound
clear
scream
static
ask
amplify
key
voice
alarm
note
ring
growl
sing
hear
say
click
rattle
chord
harmonize
muffle
compose
screech
Kinesthetic
touch
throw
shock
strike
move
grope
stroke
rub
smash
tangible
irritate
sore
carry
handle
finger
stir
impress
hit
impact
tap
crash
sharpen
crawl
tickle
grab
flat
When you are with someone, pay attention not only to the type of words they use, but also to the type of words they use most frequently. You also want to listen to their characteristic expressions. Here is a list of some of those three types of indicative expressions or phrases:
I can see it
It is clear to me
Show-off
Sight for sore eyes
White as snow
See to it
In focus
Get the picture
True blue
Naked eye
Auditory
I hear ya
It clicks
It rings a bell
Tell me about it
Lend me your ear
Sounds good to me
In a matter of speaking
Roars like a lion
Rings true
Music to my ears
Kinesthetic
It feels right
Get a handle on it
Get in touch
Cool as ice
My hands are tied
Get a grip
Get my drift
I am touched
Good vibes
Hot head
All of us move from one internal stimuli to another in different contexts. A doctor may be predominantly visual at the office and mostly kinesthetic at home. Typically, auditory perceptions may be largely unconscious. This seems to be true for most people. We favor one stimulus, sometimes use the second, but the third stays unconscious most of the time. If we are to be more effective communicators, we need to focus our attention on our least favored type stimulus until we develop skill in using it. We need to be able to use all three well.
Exercise:
Example 1 -- My future looks hazy.
Match:
Visual: When I look to the future, it's not clear.
Translate:
Auditory: I can't tune in to my future.
Kinesthetic: I can't get a feel for what's going to happen.
Example 2 -- Sarah doesn't listen to me.
Match:
Auditory: Sarah goes deaf when I talk.
Translate:
Visual: Sarah never sees me, even when I'm present.
Kinesthetic: I get the feeling Sarah doesn't know I'm alive.
Example 3 -- Mary gets churned up on Mondays when the report is due.
Match:
Kinesthetic: Mary gets agitated and nervous on Mondays.
Translate:
Visual: Mary can't focus on Mondays when the report is due.
Auditory: Mary hears lots of static on Mondays when the report is due.
Gene Tannery, D.C.
Freeport, Texas
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