In my never-ending search for truth, justice and the chiropractic way, I decided recently to venture forth into the pits of technique an see if I could get a good adjustment from a good chiropractor.
Having given up on the Yellow Pages and the ethical carnage they left, I felt that the best thing to do was to drive around in my car and just take a chance. So -- haven't I been doing that anyway?
As I drove along I noticed a sign in neon stating that there was a chiropractor inside, so in I went.
Inside the reception area, one wall was covered with pictures of athletes along with a personally autographed photo of G. Gordon Liddy. Looking closer, it read, "Doc -- You rascal, I didn't know anyone could make it hurt." Also on the wall was a portrait of the Marquis De Sade. Feeling a little funny at this point, I started to edge toward the door.
CA: Dr. Fist will see you now.
RHT: Well----I think I'm feeling better.
CA: Nonsense, you wimp. Come in and take your treatment like a man.
Unable to overcome the power of her grip on my neck, I went into the treatment room. Soon Dr. Fist came in. He looked like he had just come in from a garage. He wore a shirt that exposed the hair on his chest and had his sleeves rolled up to his elbow. A study in total unprofessionalism. His appearance alone was enough to set the profession back some 50 years.
Fist: Lie down.
RHT: Are you going to palpate?
Fist: Say what?
RHT: Palpate.
Fist: You mean feel around the spine
RHT: Well, yes -- something like that.
Fist: Who has time for that nonsense? We'll just hit you a few times and see if anything gives.
The next thing I remember, I was on the sidewalk with a police officer leaning over me. "Who hit you buddy? Did you get the license number?" Not wanting to tell him that a chiropractor had done the dirty work, I said I was okay and staggered away.
Now I really needed a good adjustment. The only thing I gained was a new admiration for G. Gordon Liddy. But did he go to Fist regularly?
The next place I went to was a Dr. Twinky Feathers. The entire office was done in pink with flowers all around. What a contract. On her card was an embossed chiropractic emblem with the figure holding a feather in each hand. Clever.
Soon I was in a treatment room. After a short pause I began to smell the overpowering odor of perfume. The door opened and in came Dr. Twinky Feather all dressed in white lace.
Feather: Hi, I'm Dr. Feather -- but I want you to just call me Twinky.
RHT: Okay, Twinky.
Feather: That's Dr. Twinky. It's cuter that way.
RHT: Right----Dr. Twinky.
With that I got on the table. After about ten minutes of waiting I lifted up my head to see what was happening. No one was in the room. Gingerly I got up and put on my shirt. Not knowing what to do, I started to leave.
CA: Where are you going, dearie?
RHT: well, Dr. Feather -- I mean Dr. Twinky -- left.
CA: How did you like the adjustment, dearie?
RHT: Adjustment?
CA: Light as a feather, wasn't it? Now let's lighten up your wallet a bit.
Sitting in the car I was quite discouraged and still in great pain from the mugging I'd received from Dr. Fist. Maybe I should try just one more.
Before long I was in the treatment room of Dr. I.M. Splendid. What a difference from fist. Splendid was dressed in a white jacket that was so starched he couldn't bend his arms. Even his tie was starched and hung around his neck like a knife blade.
Splendid: Lie down on your back and hold your breath. Then turn your head while I place this onion under your left nostril. Now flex the toes of the right foot while making a fist with the left hand. Next I want you to roll your eyes upward and say "maloosa."
RHT: "Maloosa?"
Splendid: Not yet -- keep holding your breath. Now where is that onion? Hmmm -- maybe I'll use a radish.
RHT: Radish?
Splendid: No -- I want you to say "maloosa" when I put the radish or union under your left nostril. Open your mouth. Maybe if you chewed on a carrot as I tested your quadriceps-----
As he was contemplating his next test to determine how I should be adjusted -- if at all -- I quietly left. After this visit it was getting late and I decided to go home. On the way back I passed a flashing neon sign that said, "Open All Night -- Adjustment and a Show Shine While You Wait." As desperate as I was, I knew I didn't need a shoe shine.
In bed and in pain, I stared at the ceiling wondering what ever happened to motion palpating the spine for fixations and then mobilizing them with specific adjustments. It will come back -- and with that happy thought I fell asleep.
Many relevant diagnostic signs are not performed deliberately by the examiner or by the patient at the examiner’s direction. They are observed as the patient reacts to their condition. Fortin’s finger sign, Minor’s sign, and Vanzetti’s sign are three examples of this principle.
Spearheaded by burgeoning scientific and clinical research literature, psychedelics have reached a level of media coverage and popular interest that has not been seen for over half a century. By “psychedelics,” we are referring to the unique class of substances that includes psilocybin (the active compound found in so-called “magic mushrooms”), LSD, dimethyltryptamine (DMT), ayahuasca, 5-MeO-DMT, and mescaline – each of which occurs in the natural world (except for LSD, which is a semi-synthetic compound).
While working at the Lovelace Medical Center in Albuquerque, N.M., one of the primary care physicians stated that imaging every patient prior to receiving chiropractic was not medically necessary. It was at that point I reconsidered the need for the imaging of every patient to avoid malpractice.
